After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
