you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
