it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
