i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
