I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
