Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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