sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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