she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize