I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
