Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize