I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am naked and annoyed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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