ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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