I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
