he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
