Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
