His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
