I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
