another moral hangover. fuck.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize