some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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