i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
