we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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