1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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