Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're breaking my sexual little heart
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize