Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
