well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
