My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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