come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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