just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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