I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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