You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
