oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
