Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
a search helicopter?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
