I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
