It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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