Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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