Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize