If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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