I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
