probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You dont lie about slip and slides
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am naked and annoyed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
