im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
