i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
