Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
