I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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