shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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