Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
