Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
