just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
