umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
