Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
