Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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