and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
