in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
