i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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