Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
