Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
