White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
