the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My bed smells like the plague
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize