I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
