I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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