My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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