after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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