I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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