You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
