Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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