I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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