she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
