It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
