btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
