I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
