He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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