bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize