You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
