This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
