I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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