Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
