well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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