If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
