i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
